5 HEALTHY WAYS TO RELEASE ANGER INSTEAD OF LOSING YOUR SHIT
Published on Elephant Journal ~ July 7, 2016
“Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of fear, hurt and frustration.” ~ Dr. Phil
As I write this article, I can admit I’m angry.
I’m angry at the way some of the events in my life have played out recently. I’m angry at the person who judged the way I’ve chosen to handle my pain. I’m angry that the more vulnerable and open I’m willing to be in relationships, the less I seem to be getting, and I’m angry at myself for the tears I shed and the hurt I feel over a guy who bruised my ego and my heart.
But I have been taught that anger isn’t really lady-like and doesn’t make you likable, so I work hard to suppress the anger. Pretend it’s not there. And as anyone knows who has ever boiled water in a teapot, you can keep a lid on it all you’d like, but eventually that pot is going to boil hot and mercilessly, and it will have no alternative but to start screeching like a banshee.
Because anger needs a place to go.
And normally, it goes off in a display of explosive fireworks that creates a whole lot of noise, hurt feelings and irreparable damage.
At least that’s been my experience.
These are some of the tried and true ways that have worked for me and many of my clients who struggle with anger, forgiveness and letting things go:
THE APOLOGY THAT NEVER COMES: HOW TO FIND CLOSURE AND MOVE ON
Published on Elephant Journal ~ February 24, 2016
Love becomes a lot easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got. ~ Robert Brault
Saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” is not easy for people.
We all believe that we’re right about whatever the particular situation is and the other person was wrong in whatever injustice we believe they committed.
So both parties often walk away, not uttering anything that resembles regret over what’s happened and holding fast to their own belief that they have no reason to apologize.
For most of us, it is not until some time passes that we can own and accept our part in a fight, disagreement or breakup that caused a lot of pain. And by that time, the moment for apologizing seems to have passed its due date, so we never reach out to actually issue the apology to the person who rightfully deserves it.
There are many reasons we don’t reach out and apologize to the people we’ve hurt. I recently talked to a bunch of my friends and colleagues and asked them what has held them back from apologizing to someone they knew deserved one from them. These are the things that unanimously held them back:
1) Time. Too much time has passed and we feel embarrassed to reach out to the person now. “What’s done is done,” we say, “And I don’t want to dredge all that back up.” The thing is, isn’t really any time expiration on apologies. They are good at any time. But oftentimes this is why we don’t reach out to someone from our past to give one that we know is well deserved.