I’ve been writing now most of my life, but I didn’t go public with my writing until a year and a half ago. Putting myself out there was too scary. Made me too vulnerable. And besides, I was a person who cared what people thought of me.
Aren’t we all…. Well, most of us.
I didn’t want people to know my secrets. Or my insecurities. I didn’t want to divulge the personal humiliations I’ve been through. Or the poor choices I’ve made.
I didn’t want to admit I don’t have it together all the time. That I often obsessed over stupid things… like the fact that I’m aging and noticing more and more wrinkles on my face. Or that I sometimes suffered with bouts of depression when on the surface my life looked great and I always had a smile on my face.
Or that nobody would ever love me again. Because the message I took from my last relationship is that I’m unlovable.
Even when the emails started pouring in from people I didn’t know who were reading my work and telling me how much it touched them, helped them or resonated with them, I still didn’t feel “good enough” or that I had a right to continue writing.
I compared myself against other writers, feeling that nothing I had to say was really that interesting or enlightening. I mean I’m just a girl after all. What makes me an expert on anything?
Except I am… on a lot of things. I can’t write about astro-psychics or politics or how to fix the current state of our economy because I have no experience with any of that. But I can write about life. And struggle. And hardship. And relationships.
I can write about being imperfect in a world where we expect ourselves to get everything right all the time. I can write about making mistakes. About forgiving ourselves… and others. About getting through loss and heartbreak and insecurity and trust issues.
And I can definitely write about healing and transformation. And taking your personal power back in any situation.
Because that.… that I’ve got some heavy experience in.
I’ve lived it. And I’ve learned from it. And I’ve not learned from it…. I’ve made some of the same mistakes over and over again. And isn’t that what you want to hear about? That I’m not any different than you? That we’re all human and don’t have it all figured out and despite our best efforts, we still screw up?
So I’m gonna get real in this Blog. No more hiding. No more withholding. No more trying to look good. No more worrying about what people who knew me in high-school or people who work with me now, or ex-boyfriends or current love interests might think about me when they read what I have to say.
It’s going to be raw, and gritty and the truth. My truth. And if anyone doesn’t like it, that’s Ok…
Because I’m working on Chapter 2 of my own healing…. which is letting go of what people think of me and simply loving myself for exactly who I am. Messy, imperfect, trying to get it right all the time and often screwing up again…. but still so very beautifully human and authentic.
So, let’s get real and start talking about the things we don’t want to talk about, shall we? I’ll start…
To be continued….